


Ene Mene Miste

by Multishipperlove



Series: Zemnian Roots [5]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Essek Thelyss mentioned, Gen, I'm very explicity not going to tag a ship, book research, but you can probably read this as either Caleb/Jester, do whatever you like, or Caleb/Essek, zemnian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-25 15:20:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22498216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Multishipperlove/pseuds/Multishipperlove
Summary: Caleb has some trouble with placing priorities, and deciding which book he should read next. Jester helps.
Series: Zemnian Roots [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1488566
Comments: 6
Kudos: 55





	Ene Mene Miste

**Author's Note:**

> Ene Mene Spinnenbein,   
> Caleb soll jetzt glücklich sein.   
> Hex hex!

Caleb sat in the library of Zadash, five books spread out in front of him. Finally figuring out Halas' notes and finishing the spell, as infuriating and disappointing as their first attempt had been, meant he now had more time for other research again.

But with the Mighty Nein's current position there were a lot of different things calling his attention, and he wasn't sure what to start with. Tharizdun? The coming peace talks between the Empire and the Dynasty? Nott's curse, or even his own aspirations? The library certainly seemed to have it all.

From left to right, the books in front of him seemed to promise some solutions to at least part of his problems. He just wasn't sure which one to start with. The titles he'd been starring at for ten minutes now read as followed:

_A People's history of the Dwendalian Empire_

_Curse Breaking for the Advanced, Volume III_

_Ancient Cults and Religions: An Exercise in separating Legend from Lore_

_Age of Arcanum; A Selection of Essays_

and,

_The In-Between: A Theoretical Approach to Dunamancy_

The last one actually wasn't from the library. It had been a parting gift from Essek, along with the promise of another lesson once they returned to Xhorhas. He had to admit, his fingers were itching to pick it up and satisfy his own curiosity, at least a little bit. But theoretical magic was far from learning actual spells, and as interesting as it was, he felt like he couldn't justify that decision at the moment. There were more pressing matters.

And yet. Still no decision on what to read instead. And as he was pondering his problem, somehow unable to find a proper solution himself, he eventually remembered something that Jester had told Nott not too long ago.

It had been during the discussion whether Nott wanted to return to her halfling form or not. When you can't decide, you play Eeny, meeny, miny, moe, and if you don't like the choice you land on, you know to choose the other one.

Well, that certainly couldn't hurt. He didn't actually know how the rhyme continued in Common, but there were enough similar rhymes in Zemnian to choose from. With a soft sigh he leaned forward in his chair, looking over the books as he started to mutter to himself. “Ene, mene, miste, es rappelt in der Kiste, ene, mene, meck-”

Before he could get any further, he felt two arms wrap around him from behind, startling him terribly. “Caleb! Are you trying a new spell?”

It was Jester. Of course it was Jester. Caleb relaxed again, giving her a small smile. “Hello, Jester. And, ah, no. Not a new spell. I'm- I'm actually just trying to decide which book I should read. I thought your advice to Nott recently might be helpful.”

She looked confused at first, but then seemed to remember what he was referring to, a wide smile appearing on her face. “That's great! You were saying some pretty weird words though.”

“Well, that may be because I'm using a Zemninan rhyme,” he chuckled. “Didn't quite grow up with Common.”

“Oh, right. Your version sounded fun though,” she told him, finally letting go of him again as she stepped around the table to get a better look at the books. She grimaced slightly at the titles, and Caleb understood why. Most of them didn't sound very... fun. Didn't make them any less important though.

“Would you like to help me choose?” he asked. The thought of sitting there alone didn't appeal to him, even if he would spend the next couple of hours reading, since he'd learned to appreciate his friends' presence.

Luckily, it didn't seem to take much to convince Jester either. “Of course! You can teach me some Zemnian rhymes, and I will teach you ones in Common! I bet the Traveller would love it when I speak some Zemnian, because then I can tell even more people about how great he is.”

Caleb smiled at her enthusiasm and reasoning, more than happy to accept that. “Sure, let's do that. Would you like to start, then?”

She nodded, grabbing a chair from one of the tables next to them and settling down in front of him again. “Okay, so this one is super easy. It doesn't make much sense, but I don't think any of them really do.”

He nodded along, watching as she arranged all five books in a circle and started to count them out, pointing at a new one with every syllable of the rhyme. “Eeny, meeny, miny, moe, catch a tiger by the toe. If he hollers, let him go, eeny, meeny, miny, moe.”

At her last word, her finger landed on The In-Between. Caleb frowned slightly, sad to see it go so soon, but then strongly reminded himself that he had already ruled that one out anyway.

“Alright, not that one then,” he sighed, quickly placing it aside. He'd make time for it at some point, just not now. When he turned back to Jester, she had a bit of an unreadable look on her face, and her tail flicked behind her, but she didn't say anything.

Not sure if he should mention it, Caleb just cleared his throat and continued. “Well, there's one that's very similar to yours, I think. Just, you know, in Zemnian. Here we go... Ene mene miste, es rappelt in der Kiste, ene mene meck, und du bist weg.”

Next one gone was Curse Breaking for the Advanced, and he wasn't nearly as sad to see that one go. It had seemed rather dry the first time he'd picked it up.

Noticing his mood improving, Jester smiled at him again and started anew, no prompting needed. In a slight sing-song voice, she started: “Bubblegum bubblegum in a dish, how many pieces do you wish?”

She landed on Ancient Cults and Religions , but instead of letting him put that book aside as well, she pushed his hand away as soon as he got close. “No no no, Caleb, you have to say a number.”

“A number?”

“Yes! How many pieces do bubblegum do you want?”

Realizing then that it was apparently part of the rhyme, he nodded. “Right, uh... one, I guess?”

“You can't just say one, that way we know what the result is gonna be. It's supposed to be random, Caleb,” she admonished him, sounding very serious about it too. Caleb considered pointing out that even with a higher number they would know where it landed, since that didn't actually require any advanced math skills, but quickly decided to just keep that to himself. It would probably fall under being a smartass.

“Uh, sure. Seven, then,” he mumbled, seeing with relief as Jester immediately perked up again and finished the rhyme, counting the books out until they reached seven. She landed on Age of Arcanum this time, another book he wasn't very sad to loose.

“Well, I guess this is the last one then,” Caleb muttered, seeing as there were only two books left now. “Eins, zwei, drei, vier, fünf, sechs, sieben, eine alte Frau kocht Rüben, eine alte Frau kocht Speck, und du bist weg.” His finger came to rest on A People's History of the Dwendalian Empire, and he shrugged slightly as he placed it with the other rejected books.

All that was left not was Ancient Cults and Religions. Honestly, not the worst choice in his opinion.

“Looks like I found something to read then,” he told Jester with a smile, pulling the rather thick tome a bit closer. “Thank you, friend.”

But Jester was looking at him with that unreadable expression again, her tail leisurely swishing back and forth behind her. “But, are you like, happy with that choice?” she asked, tracing some invisible patterns on the table with her fingers. “The whole reason we did this was so you could realize what you really want, right? You don't have to take that one.”

“I think it's a fair choice,” he told her with a shrug, though he couldn't keep himself from stealing another glance at The In-Between.

“But it's not really what you want,” she told him. It wasn't a question.

Caleb sighed, lowering his gaze to the book in front of him. He rubbed his temples with one hand, not sure if he really wanted to have this discussion or not. But then again, he was talking to Jester, she most likely wouldn't leave him much of a choice.

“Well, no, not really,” he finally admitted. “But at least it's useful. The book I actually want, it's more of a- well, of an amusement. It would be selfish to choose that over something that can help us, ja?”

“I don't know, I think it sound pretty useful, too,” Jester replied, reaching over to tug The In-Between out from the pile of discarded books again. She studied the cover for a moment, before looking up to Caleb and pushing it towards him. “I think you should read something you actually want to read, everything else kinda sucks.”

“But-” Some part of Caleb still wanted to argue. He wasn't even sure why, Jester was offering him an excuse on a silver plate right now, and yet... he didn't want to miss anything that could help them later on in one of the other books.

Seeing his confliction, Jester reached over again, swiftly taking Ancient Cults and Religions away from him. “I will make you a deal,” she told him, voice as sweet as ever. “You read the book Essek gave you, and I will read this one instead. That way we can still get really important research done, right?”

“Don't you- don't you have anything else to do? Anything more fun than sitting in a library?” he asked, slightly sceptical. Not that he didn't think Jester could help with this, he just hadn't expected her offer. At all.

“Well, not anymore,” she told him with a smile, opening the book up and looking over the chapter index. “There's a whole chapter about some guy named Vecna, sounds plenty fun if you ask me!”

He couldn't help but chuckle again at her attempt to convince him, and really... he couldn't keep arguing now. Unsurprisingly, her charm had won him over. “Alright, alright,” he mumbled, opening his own book, and taking out some paper and a pen so he could at least take proper notes. “Just let me know when, you know, you would prefer doing something else again.”

“Sure!” she replied, not even looking up from the book. By the end of the day, Caleb was sure it would sport a few new doodles in the margins, most of them most likely distinctively dick-shaped. But he certainly wouldn't be the one to tell on her.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, honestly, I don't think I'm very good at writing Jester. I still hope it was enjoyable though, please let me know what you think! :D
> 
> Also, rough (and literal) translation of Caleb's count-out-games:
> 
> Ene Mene Miste  
> It rattles in the box  
> Ene Mene Meck   
> And you are out
> 
> One two three four five six seven  
> An old woman cooks turnips  
> An old woman cooks bacon  
> and you are out


End file.
